Broken Paths
by Sapphira2
Summary: RoryJess… AU ending to “Nag Hammadi is Where They...”…“If he left her again tonight, she wanted him to feel every step he took away from her like a blow to his gut, because that is exactly what watching him take those steps would do to her.”
1. Chapter One

**_"Broken Paths"_**

Short Story for the TV Series "Gilmore Girls"

Written by Sapphira

Disclaimers: I make no claims to the ownership of the rights to Gilmore Girls, in any form. I am gaining no profit in doing this project or any other fanfic, except that which benefits and flatters my author ego… In other words, reviews!!!

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"Welcome To My World…And Watch Your Step…"

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Summary – Rory/Jesse… Slight alternate ending to "Nag Hammadi is Where They Found the Gnostic Gospels"… "If he left her again tonight, she wanted him to feel every step he took away from her like a blow to his gut… because that is exactly what watching him take those steps would do to her."

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Author's Note – Well, this is an unexpected venture of mine… I've been a fan of Gilmore Girls for a long time, but I have never really even thought of writing fanfic for it. But being the Rory/Jesse fan that I am, and after viewing the recent episode, I couldn't seem to help myself. And believe me, I tried… It was only after helplessly scribbling half this darn story down on paper at one in the morning that I conceded defeat out of the necessity for sleep.

Basically it is just a slight AU off of that last scene, in which I put into print what I – and probably the rest of you – would have preferred to see happen than the rather sudden ending we were given after weeks of build-up. 

Please review and let me know what you thought once finishing this chapter! Because I am new to this genre, I need to know whether or not people want to see more from me at a later date, after I finish this story. I may write more GG fics, or I may not… But if I know that this story was at least appreciated, then I'll be more inclined to write more for this series in the future… ;o)  

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**_Chapter One_**

This was not happening.

Rory watched numbly as Jesse started to move away. His dark eyes bruised with the pain and raw emotion that had revealed itself in the tone of his voice, but then he broke from their locked gazes, and turned away. Revealing the line of his back to her as he began to walk away. 

His words echoed in her head with painful clarity. How did he do that? How did he reveal a part of him that she hadn't been expecting to see tonight, and at the same time attempt to push her away? Did he honestly think she was going to let him do that?

She blinked. Coming back to her senses and breaking away from the momentary shock his declaration.

Like hell.

An emotion rose to the surface from within her that she hadn't been expecting to feel tonight. Maybe if she had, she would have been able to shield herself from it. Would have been strong enough to censure her words, and keep her heart in check…But then again, maybe she wouldn't have been able to be the strong one here tonight. Because she had the awful suspicion that it would have only taken those three little words from him to shatter all of her barriers into a million pieces.

At least now when the blow had been unexpected, she was able to roll with it. 

At least that is what she told herself.

"How dare you."

Her words made him pause, but he still didn't turn back around to face her. But she didn't care. She was going to try and put into words something that she didn't even think could be expressed in such a way, but she had to try. She wasn't going to let this be easy for him. Not again.

"How dare you say something like that to me, and then just think that you can walk away. It doesn't work that way, Jess. "

He finally turned, and his dark colored eyes met her vivid blue ones. Now burning with the heart of a flame as what she was feeling began to rise to the surface. She was closer now. She couldn't remember taking those steps to shorten the distance separating them, but she had… because he hadn't moved an inch.

She could sense him now. She could feel the heat from his body, and see the way the air that escaped his lungs froze in the night air. She could even smell the lingering imprint on his skin of the soap he had always used, combined with the unique scent that was all him, and a knot formed in her throat and suddenly she couldn't remember what it was that she had wanted to say.

"Is that it?" He finally asked. Breaking the silence. The question meant to sound familiar and cold and unflinching, but the words were hoarse, and he had trouble holding her gaze. He was attempting to pull his shields back up. The very same ones that he had chosen to present to the rest of the world. The same ones that he used to keep people out when he was afraid of getting hurt. The same ones that he must have used in order to leave her the first time.

Well, that was just too damn bad. Hers were already in a million pieces. It just simply wasn't going to be fair to allow him to leave like that again with his still intact.

If he left her again tonight, she wanted him to feel every step he took away from her like a blow to his gut… because that is exactly what watching him take those steps would do to her.

"No, that's not just it. Didn't you hear me earlier? **_I'm_** the only one who is allowed to leave here. Me, not you."

Her breath trembled, and fluctuations were heard clearly in her words. Damn it, she was going to start crying. That was unacceptable. She had already cried herself to sleep so many nights that she had finally been forced to seal away every single thought and memory and emotion directly and indirectly connected to Jess under the flow of a new life that she had struggled to begin in Europe, and then had continued upon beginning college at Yale. She had the constant press of that new life, and work, and friends, and commitments to keep her busy every waking second. She wasn't constantly surrounded by the memories of her home town, like she would have been if she had been living there throughout the entire week, which had helped. Some.

She could even go a few hours now without her thoughts straying to him. Sometimes even an entire day… but as soon as the day began to slow down, and night began to set in, those memories rose back up from their graves like the persistent ghosts that they had become, and it would start all over again. 

Granted, the pain hadn't been as intense as it had in the beginning, and most of the time she didn't even get teary eyed… but she didn't think that was because she was getting over him. She was just getting used to the pain his leaving had caused. 

Like a callous forming over a vulnerable stretch of unprotected skin, her heart was simply trying to protect itself from the ache that would always be there, no matter how many months went by.

So the fact that she was about to start crying was proof how his sudden appearance in her life had managed to viciously cut that protection away, and she could just almost despise him for that and that alone.

She had done everything she could think of to keep from thinking of him for almost over a year. She had all too gratefully allowed herself to become buried by this new life of hers, so that every time anyone asked her how she was doing, she wouldn't even have to so much as hesitate in telling them how great everything was. Even though the time had already come and gone when their questioning her about how she felt was directly related to their well meaning yet incredibly annoying sympathy over Jess leaving her so suddenly. 

But it didn't matter what they were thinking when they asked that question now, after all of these months… because all she could think of was how her mind immediately flashed upon Jess, and how her heart responded in kind with a familiar aching jolt every time it thought it had her complete focus.

Or how every time she looked at herself in the mirror, she had to again convince herself all over again that the reason she had cut her hair because it was more manageable this way what with her busy schedule, and that it had been well past time for a change in that arena… and not because even after all that time she could still feel the incredible sensation of his fingers running through it. Fists clenching in all its thickness as he pressed her body into the line of his and kissed her so tenderly.  

How many times had she woken from dreams of him doing just that? How many times had she reached her fingers up to her hair, fully expecting his to still be lingering there?

She could tell herself over and over again how he wasn't worth it. How he didn't deserve her pain. But love wasn't that simple. It wasn't black and white. He had hurt her, cut her deeply when he had left without even so much as a word, because he had been too much of a coward to face her.

But she loved him, and love didn't discriminate. It wasn't its fault if something went wrong. You couldn't blame it, no matter how hard you tried, because the simple truth of it was, leave it up to human nature to totally screw up something so precious for no apparent reason.  

But despite all of that, he still didn't deserve one more tear from her, and she couldn't afford to shed it. So she did the first instinctive thing that came to her mind that she thought just might stop the tears from falling… or at the very least keep him from seeing.

He was standing there in front of her, just mere inches away. There was pain on his face, but also the struggling to distance himself from what was happening. Bracing himself for whatever words that he was so sure were about to come his way. And they deserved to. She deserved the chance to fire off, to tell him what his leaving had done to her. It was her right to hit him with all of her anger, all of her pain, all of her disappointment and confusion… And maybe if she had been thinking clearly, she would have done just that. In the end it probably would have been less painful, and would have provided the potential for more closure later down the road, instead of ripping apart barely healed wounds. 

But no… it could never be that simple in her life. She had never been one to take the easy road, even if recently she had come to wish that that wasn't the case.

Before she had a chance to think about it – indeed, before any single thought even had a chance to manifest itself – she reached her hands up to frame the sides of his face, with those oh so familiar features that she had traced with her fingertips dozens of times physically, and thousands of times mentally… and she saw the knowledge bloom in his eyes so close to hers. Knew that he realized what she about to do, and she could feel the protest forming as his body tensed in preparation to stop her. To keep it from happening.

But she wasn't going to back down. She wasn't going to hesitate or allow herself to over-analyze, despite her peculiar habit to do just that in almost every aspect of her life.

He should have known that this was going to happen sooner or later. He should have remembered how just incredibly unpredictable she could be sometimes, even to herself.

And he should have remembered just how incredibly potent their chemistry was as it arced between them. The way it had always been between them, even back when they had been trying to fight it. Alright, when **_she_** had been trying to fight it…

But it was hard to recall the absolute force of it, even for her… because for her – and for surely him as well – the memory didn't come close to the actuality of it. 

It was like seeing a painting of a sunset or a snapshot of a jungle… nothing really came close to the real thing, no matter how impressive they might have been in their own ways.

But if the memory of what it had been like between them before was impressive, then having it actually happening again **_now_** was shattering. 

But there wasn't any time to think about that. Indeed, there wasn't any time to think or feel, or to resist or doubt at all… as she unerringly brought his lips down hard upon hers.  

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So what did you think? Did you like it? Do you want to find out what happens next??? 

Review, and I'll post the next part… (evil chuckle)


	2. Chapter Two

**_Chapter Two_**

* * *

_…as she unerringly brought his lips down hard upon hers…___

And something achingly bittersweet inside of her broke free.

At first he was stunned. She could feel in his still resistant frame that he was struggling within himself. Struggling to decide whether to push her away or to guide her closer. 

But it wasn't his choice. He didn't get a say in this. Not this time.

Desperate to keep him there, her lips moved over the familiar softness of his, and when that didn't break him, she ran the tip of her tongue over the seam of his mouth. Tasting him. Taunting him. Daring him to react.

And then she felt it. She felt his hands tighten on her hips. Pulling her firmly against him, as her gloved fingers slid into the thickness of his hair. She heard the sound he made deep in his throat at the achingly familiar sensation of her mouth against his, and she knew she had won… she had proven her point. She had shattered his shields.

But she forgot all about her victory when she felt him suddenly come to life under the pressure of her mouth as he took control of the kiss… 

And slipped between her parted lips to stroke deeply inside her mouth.

Something wrenched deep inside of her heart and body, as the taste of him reawakened their dormant connection. Her heart bled with the reopened wounds of his abandonment… but her body burned with the desire fueled by the sensation of his tongue sliding against hers. Mimicking harshly the motions of a far more intimate game that they had never played.

His kiss was bruising yet tender at the same time. She knew then that he was as lost as she was. 

This was why he had fought to keep away from her throughout his stay. This was why he had run every time he had seen her… He had known all along that it wouldn't have been safe for him to risk touching her, and having this happen… with a hell of a lot more time to do something about it.

She could feel the muscles of his in his mouth, his jaw, his neck working as he held her, pressed into her, explored her... Possessed her. He took from her what he must have craved to have again all these past months. For her, locked inside that moment, nothing else existed. 

For her… it was a moment that she never wanted to end.

He moved inside her mouth the way she imagined that he would have moved inside her body if they had ever taken that step in their relationship, and a sound rose in her throat at the sensations it invoked.

The kiss was desperate, passionate, almost punishing. Full of destiny denied, and desire intensified. As if through it, they were desperately trying to hold on to each other. As if they both honestly believed that as long as it continued, the rest of the world wouldn't touch them… and Jess's insecurities couldn't come between them once more.

One of his hands had come up the line of her spine. Kneading firmly and sending shivers across her skin despite the thick clothing separating them. He was seeking bare skin, and he finally found it at her nape, even as the hand still grasping at the curve of her hip tightened considerably. Sinking into the deepest, lowest section of her side.

His warm fingers curved around the back of her neck under the shortened length of her hair, and forced her head to tilt back. Giving him the angle he needed to deepen the contact. Sending a jolt through her body as the slightly calloused pads of his fingers rubbed over her quickened pulse, and the shifting of the kiss to a different position sent a shudder sliding under the surface of her skin. 

She didn't require the persistent pressure of his hand so low on the side of her hip to press herself as close to him as she could get. She did that all on her own. Bringing her body flush up against his willingly. Narrow hips nestled tightly into the slight cradle of his pelvic bones as her arms wrapped tightly around his neck. 

The advantage to kissing someone who only had a couple of inches of height on her, meant that she felt everything that happened to his body as she was pressed so tightly against him. She felt the way the muscles in his chest and thighs rolled and flexed under his clothes and skin, and how the heat from his lower body which wasn't as protected as his torso melted into hers… She even felt him pressed into her lower stomach through the fabric of his jeans and her skirt, and had absolutely no illusions about what would have been transpiring between them if this encounter had happened in private. 

It was a moment that brought her body achingly to life, at the same time that it seemed to kill her.

She had always heard the saying 'there is a fine line between love and hatred'. They were both, after all, two of the most powerful emotions that the depths of the human heart were capable of producing. But before it had never held any meaning for her. Not really. Not on quite the grand scale she had heard about… But now… 

Now, all she could think about was how ten minutes ago, the only desire she had possessed was to hit him. Lash out. Hurt him physically as much as he had hurt her emotionally… But now her thoughts were consumed by how unfair it was that she wanted him inside her, but **_she couldn't have him_**. Even here and now, after almost a year of not being able to touch him, she was denied that right. 

She would be both thankful and mournful for that slight twist of fate that had put their reunion on such public grounds… because she wasn't too sure if she would have joined her body with his out of the need to keep him with her… or the desire to destroy him, and in so doing, herself in the process. 

When you can no longer decide if you are viewing your partner as your lover or your enemy, then no intimacy resulting from that could never be anything less than damaging… Because at that moment, the line began to blur… and she was no longer sure if she wanted to be with him because she loved him… or if it was because she wanted to hurt him. 

Maybe it was a little bit of both.

The tears she had fought to keep him from seeing began to slide down her cheeks. Coursing over the skin towards their joined lips, till the combination of his taste and texture met those of her own tears. Filling her mouth… and his.

She was soaring… she was deep underwater… but all the while her heart was breaking into a thousand pieces. And this time, she wasn't sure if it would ever be whole again.

If she could have crawled deep inside of him, she would have… and considering the fierce edge to his hunger, she knew that he was experiencing the same overwhelming desire...

Except that maybe he thought he could actually pull it off. Kiss her long enough, taste her hard enough, and maybe he could pull her so deep inside of him that he would never feel her loss so keenly again.

But a kiss was just a kiss… it was a moment in time where the past and future melted away. Giving into just the present… The here and now.

And she knew long before he finally began to slow his pace, that here and now was all that he was going to give her. And the pain of that knifed through her like the sharpest of wounds. 

The sudden bruising force of his mouth fused to hers began to lessen, and the kiss suddenly turned gentle. Comforting. As if the taste of her tears had brought him back from whatever primal precipice he had been balanced upon, and the knowledge of her pain had turned him inside out. Turning his desire into something less basic and more bittersweet.

Loosening the hold on her hip she feared would be slightly bruised in the morning, his fingers quickly danced over the line of her side till it also came to her neck. His other hand shifted slightly till they were a perfect mirror of one another. With them, he framed the sides of her face tenderly. Thumbs brushing over the sensitive line of her jaw, and leaving a trail of heat in their wake.

* * *

AN – I know, I'm just horrible, aren't I?

Actually, I'm a little surprised that I was unable to finish this story up in a second installment… Now I'm not exactly sure if I will even be able to do it in a third, or if a fourth will become necessary… But I'm enjoying the creation of this 'little' story, so I hope that you are as well…

Thank you to all of my reviewers… you really made me feel more comfortable in this genre… I hope everyone reading enjoyed chapter two, and I also hope that you'll take the time to review…

Till next time…


	3. Chapter Three

**_Chapter Three_**

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His sudden gentleness enticed her to relax her death drip on his back, where she knew that if he hadn't been wearing that leather jacket of his and she hadn't been wearing her gloves, he would have been sporting against the flesh covering the upper portion of his back shoulders the perfect imprints from the tips of her nails. As it was, she felt the way her covered fingertips pulled over the black leather, sending small vibrations from the unique sensation fluttering up the muscles in her slender fingers, and knew that he had also felt the pressure… even through the thickness of his jacket's skin.

She brought her hands inward, and placed them between them. Pressed into the front of his chest. She could feel the steady beat of his heart under one of her palms. 

The sharp edge of the kiss was gone, and his lips moved ever so gently over hers. Giving comfort in the only he could, as he continued to taste her tears on his tongue.

But it didn't comfort her. It just made it worse. She could feel the muscles in her face tightening up as a shudder ran through her, and she knew she was only a moment away crying out openly. She had been prepared for many things, but the sudden disarming tenderness of his touch hadn't been one of them. And she didn't know how to save herself from it now.

He held her like she was the most precious thing in his life, he touched the sides of her face like her skin was made of the finest of silks, and he kissed her like she tasted of light and warmth. An addiction that would never be sated.

He kissed her like he loved her… and she kissed him back in the same way. God help her, but she did.

And then even that moment came to its end, and they both stilled. Still reluctant to pull away. To break the contact. Their lips lingering against one another hesitantly. Both knowing that when this ended, it ended. There would be no second chances. Not tonight. Perhaps not ever.

But that still didn't mean she wasn't going to try and convince him to stay.

When she felt his lips finally leave hers, she slowly opened her eyes. Momentarily disoriented after having them closed for so long. Almost as if she wasn't even sure what sight was anymore after having been submerged in the depths of all her other senses for the past few minutes.

She knew they must have been getting looks… She knew that tomorrow the gossip mill would be fully operational and that there wouldn't be a single person in this town that wouldn't know of what had just transpired, but she couldn't find it in herself to care. She couldn't find it in herself to do anything else except look into his eyes from just an inch or two away. So close to her that they were the only part of his face that she could see. 

The distance between their lips was but a fraction… but in that moment it felt like an ocean. One she knew she may never cross again.

"… Rory…" he murmured. Voice hoarse and unrecognizable as his... But she still recognized the regret, if nothing else… And something close to panic welled up.

"If it's true," she said, the words coming out in a rush and thick with emotion, as she struggled to steady her voice. "If what you just told me is true… if you love me, then stay." She pulled her head back enough to look him in the eye. Hands coming up to frame the sides of his face, even as hers crumpled slightly as the tears began to fall again. "Stay, damn it. Don't leave me again. Just stay."

She saw the flash of pain come across his all-too-bright eyes, and he swallowed. "I can't." He replied. The turmoil he was enduring echoing in his tone.

Rory shook her head slowly, pulling a little farther away. A glint of anger surfacing in her eyes. Making the wet blue depths glow in startling contrast.

"Why?" she challenged. "Why can't you? Damn it, when will you stop running away? Why do you always have to throw everything good that happens to you away? Why can't you just let yourself be happy?"

His gaze dropped at the same time both of his hands came up and grasped her wrists. Pulling her hands away from his face, and breaking their contact as he distanced himself. He didn't answer her. But at that point, he didn't have to. She knew the answers to those questions. She knew why it was that he was leaving her. And her having that knowledge should have made it easier. It should have been enough for her to keep him at her side.

But this wasn't about her coming to terms with him… it was about him coming to terms with himself. And as much as she wished otherwise, she couldn't do that for him. She couldn't be the one to heal him. Only he could do that. Only he could find himself. 

She just hoped that he would one day figure out that regardless of where he went, or how fast he ran, he would never be able to escape that one simple fact. One day he would have to face himself whether he liked it or not. And when that day came, no amount of running away was going to fix it. He would have to do that all on his own.

But it wasn't going to be tonight. No matter how much he loved her, no matter how torn he was about leaving, it wasn't enough.

He wasn't ready to come home.

Her tears had already stopped, and she felt cold, so cold. She stood there, facing him, hands empty. Resisting the urge to wrap her arms around her torso defensively. She knew that not even that small protection could help her now, so what would have been the point?

"I love you, Jess." She admitted slowly. Knowing that her eyes must have looked as dead to him as they felt to her. "I do… I always have. But I can't keep going through this. I can't do this again… I don't want this night to turn into something else that I have to survive, so don't let it. Don't do this to me again." She knew her words were useless at this point, but knowing it, and truly 100% believing it were two different things. Maybe because a part of her believed that it couldn't end like this. That he couldn't actually walk out of her life after a kiss like that.

Even after everything, there was still apparently a small part of her that still believed in fairy tales.

"I can't be what you want me to be, Rory. I wish I could… but I can't."

"Yes, you can. You can be who I need you to be by not leaving."

Her final declaration was worthless, though. He was leaving… She could see the truth of it, shining there in his eyes.

In a way he was already gone.

~*~*~*~

The final chapter to Broken Paths will hopefully be finished soon… in the meantime, please review and let me know what you thought of this newest part!


	4. Chapter Four

**_Chapter Four_**

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Rory watched with a sense of numbness as he turned around and walked away. Her heart and mind dark with emptiness. Emptiness was good. Emptiness kept her from hopelessly calling after him and making a bigger fool out of herself than she already had. Emptiness kept her from openly crying again.

She had heard about the term soulmates, two people in the world, destined to be each other's perfect love.  She had found it a quaint and romantic in its own right at the time, but had never really dwelled much upon that subject till the day that Jess had entered her life. 

She remembered how drawn to him she had been, even long before she had wanted to admit to herself that she was falling in love with him. She remembered their conversations and the moments spent in each other's company… and there had never been a more noticeable time in her life where she had felt like she was torn in two. Where her mind had been telling her one thing, and her heart had been telling her another.

She knew the difference between what she was feeling for Jess, and what she had felt with Dean. Dean had been her first love, and some people said that you never loved again the way that you did that first time. Maybe that was true, for it was definitely a far more innocent love. One full of the promise of unexpected events and emotions. It was an amazing, adrenaline rush that was pretty typical when first meeting someone new and clicking on an elemental level with them. It was what everyone felt when they met someone that they believed they could fall in love with, and it became such a powerful force, that they could often mistake that rush with actually already being in love.

It wasn't until you had experienced a few of those moments, and then possibly a long term relationship with someone that you knew the difference. That you knew what was simply a rush of giddiness and butterflies… and when it was something else entirely.

That's not to say that the giddiness couldn't develop into more, like it had with her and Dean; It just meant that when she had met Jess, it hadn't been a rush… it had been a full on assault. And it hadn't just been her hormones or her body reacting to his on a physical level. 

Something inside of her had responded to something that he had called out from within her. They had been like two bells perfectly in tune with one another, so that when they rang, it created the most beautiful of music.

The first time she had kissed him, she had felt something give from within her. Something shift and slide into place, like a puzzle piece that had been manipulated one way after another, before finally sinking home seamlessly into its rightful place. 

She had discovered what her heart had been trying to tell her all along… he was her soulmate. Her perfect match. She'd fought it for a long time, but nothing could ever change that. He had pursued her… and finally she had given in.

And for a little while, it had been the most amazing experience of her life.

But there was another little part to the whole destined soulmate thing, and that was even if you were fortunate enough to find your other half, more times than not circumstances would make it so you would never be able to keep them. The actual percentage of true soulmates sticking together for the rest of their days was virtually non-existent. Proving once again how capable human nature was of totally screwing something so incredibly precious up. 

Only humans could make something so simple into something so painful and complex. The sight of him sliding back into his car and shutting the door behind him was proof of that little fact.

She didn't want to stand there and watch him. She didn't want to be here to see him leave all over again, but she couldn't seem to get that message through to her legs. She couldn't seem to be capable of walking away.

So she stood there. She stood there, and watched him drive past her. Her only call to pride being that she didn't turn around and watch him disappear into the night… But she still couldn't seem to move either. So it was a weak call.

But she couldn't exactly blame what she was feeling right now on him. She could have avoided all of this by not having initiated that kiss.

She stood there with the taste of him still in her mouth and on her lips, and knew that she would carry that taste with her for the rest of the night. Knew that sleep wasn't going to come easy, and that when it finally did, the dreams would be torment. But what else should she expect? She'd brought this one herself, after all. 

She should have just let him leave. She had made the mistake in believing that she could never hurt more than she had when he had disappeared a year ago, but she had been wrong. Oh, how she had been wrong. 

She would be paying for this night for a long time to come, she knew it. This wasn't going to be as easy to get over, now that she had just had thrown back in her face how she had never been quite as over him as she had apparently pretended to be.

And now she knew she never would be. This wasn't the kind of thing that you just… got over. It didn't work that way. It was pretty to think otherwise, but it just didn't.

Strangely though, these were not the subjects that she was dwelling upon at that moment, as the sounds of his engine faded away into the cold air. Neither was whether or not she would ever forgive him, even though she didn't think she could. She didn't think she'd ever be able to forgive or forget. Much less ever even be able to take him back…

She would always love him. That would never change. You didn't just stop loving a person. It didn't work like that. But the focus of that love could always shift, and that was what a part of her was afraid of now. 

So she could only pray that when the day finally came that he stepped back into her life, her love for him wouldn't have turned to hate. Because it was that fear that consumed her thoughts in that numb span of time for which she could only be thankful for.

Because pretty soon that numbness would wear off. Her brain would finally decide which emotion it wanted to turn on first in light of the life altering events of this night… 

And then the pain would begin. And she would have to deal with it. Again.

Alone.

And she had no one to blame for it but herself.

~*~*~*~*~*~ 

**_Night, lift up the shades… let in the brilliant light of morning…_**

**_But steady me now, for I am weak and starving for mercy._**

****

**_Sleep has left me alone to carry the weight of unraveling where we went wrong…_**

**_It's all I can do to hang on, to keep me from falling into old familiar shoes…_**

****

**_How stupid could I be? _**

**_A simpleton could see,_**

**_That you're no good for me…_**

****

**_But you're the only one I see._**

****

**_Love has made me a fool… Set me on fire and watched as I floundered._**

**_Unable to speak except to cry out and wait for your answer…_**

****

**_And you come around in your time… speaking of fabulous places, create an oasis, that dries up as soon as you're gone…_**

****

**_You leave me here burning in this desert without you…_**

****

**_How stupid could I be? _**

**_A simpleton could see,_**

**_That you're no good for me…_**

****

**_But you're the only one I see._**

****

**_Everything changes… everything falls apart…_**

**_I can't stand to feel myself losing control._**

****

**_In the deep of my senses I know…_**

****

**_How stupid could I be? _**

**_A simpleton could see,_**

**_That you're no good for me…_**

****

**_But you're the only one I see._**

****

**_How stupid could I be? _**

**_A simpleton could see,_**

**_That you're no good for me…_**

****

**_But you're the only one I see._**

**~*~ Lyrics from "Stupid" by Sarah Mclachlan and from the album "Afterglow" ~*~ **

**~*~*~*~*~**

**_Standing at the edge of solace_**

**_I'm all alone…_**

****

**_Echoes of your voice possess me_**

**_But you are gone…_**

****

**_A winter sun crawls down toward evening,_**

**_Light breezes come_**

**_Caress my face with vows of sleeping…_**

**_But I am alone_**

****

**_If just for a moment_**

**_You'd find me in these snows_**

**_I'd fly away with you…_**

****

**_I'd fly with you…_**

****

**_I don't want to bloom without you…_**

****

**_I don't want to breathe without you…_**

****

**_I don't want to be without you…_**

****

**_I don't want to sleep without you…_**

****

**_And I don't want to laugh without you…_**

****

**_I don't want to die without you…_**

****

**_And I don't want to love without you…_**

****

**_I don't want to bloom without you… _**

****

****

******~*~ Lyrics from "Bloom" by Casey Stratton from the album "Standing at the Edge" ~*~  **

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**

I would like to thank everyone who reviewed this story. I'm very surprised at the fan base it seemed to have developed, and I'm touched to know that this story has been enjoyed so much by all of you. 

I know some of you may be disappointed in how it didn't have a happy ending, but that is just the way I had always seen this story playing out. There was never the possibility in my mind of it ending happily. All I wanted to do was write out the scene that we SHOULD have seen play out in that episode. And I think that I have done that.

Will I ever write another Gilmore Girls fic? Well, I think after having such an amazing response with this one, I think it is a possibility, but if it does happen, I don't know when it'll be, or what it'll be about. So in the meantime, I will be bowing out gracefully from the genre until such time that my muse wishes to revisit it. 

So until then, thank you from the bottom of my heart for your support! I hope you'll take the time now and review this last chapter, and I look forward to reading any of your comments.


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